Ms. Midwest Midnight Check-out Queen

Writing on Writing

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:44:00 GMT

I am doing NaNoWriMo again this year, and I was thinking about my story this morning, specifically a certain character. This character started out as a naive parish priest and has become a sexually repressed gay parish priest who is using the main character to further his own ends. In thinking about this character the idea of him being a pedophile surfaced and I immediately rejected the idea, not wanting to either further the stereotype of gay men as pedophiles or priests as pedophiles. Then I noticed the act of rejecting and felt, as noble as the sentiment may have been, it was another manifestation of my inner critic that was keeping me from writing.

My motto for this NaNo, then, is the anti-Nancy "Don't say no," let whatever the story might be pour out. The first draft, and especially the first draft in November, is not the time for refinement or compassion for my characters or the social implications thereof. It is not, to bastardize Michaelangelo, time to chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant. It's time to chip away everything that doesn't look like a block of stone. That is to say, now is not the time for sculpting my novel, now is the time for carving what will eventually become my novel out of the solid rock of the mountain. I don't need to write something that looks like a novel, I need to write something that looks like it could become my novel.

And I thought about this thought, and I thought, "This is good."

A.

10 of Soul

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 05:13:51 GMT

Description: The face of the young female shaman in the 10 of Soul is nearly obscured by her wild hair. Her eyes are looking calmly back behind her. Her face is decorated or tattooed with concentric arcs above her lips and down her cheeks. She wears a collection of bone fragmens from her ears that shake as lightning strikes behind her. THe lightning strikes behind her hair, likely responsible for the strange position of her hair, standing on end.
Interpretation: The 10 of Soul is the culmination of the journey through the suit of Soul. To me, this card is something like the 12th Step in AA: there has been a spiritual awakening as the result of this journey. This card to me is about epiphany, the sudden realization of something that seems stunningly obvious in the moment of heavenly illumination, but that was impossible to see without the lightning strike. Perhaps it is a strong enough realization to make my hair stand on end. A teacher of mine says that enlightenment is an accident, but that meditation makes us accident prone, which I think is an excellent way of describing this card. There is certainly no way to plan being in the right place at the right time in order to stand near the lightning strike, but all of the work that I am doing throughout the journey of Soul, and the tarot in general, will help me to cultivate the necessary atmosphere for this realization.
Application: For me today my stunningly obvious realization was that I'm too hard on myself; that I take life WAY too seriously. Because of this I always feel not; not good enough, not timely enough; not working hard enough; not partnering or parenting well enough. Whatever action I take, however positive it may be, there is always something more I could have done or some way I could have been better or more efficient. Ironically, this isn't efficient in and of itself. It is a huge waste of my time, and serves no function at all, because it does not make me better, it only degrades me and encourages me to question the importance of doing anything at all. I know that this is tied up in co-dependence and that these voices keep me from validating my own actions, but knowing it doesn't help me to feel it, and if I can't feel it, then it's not real. So today I was lucky enough to realize with my heart the absurdity of the usual litany of reasons why I wasn't good enough this morning and shrug them off with little more effort than it took to slide out of bed.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot - 10 of Cups; ATA Tarot - 10 of Cups

IV The Father

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 04:21:20 GMT

Description: IV The Father is the view of a man's face from the side. He is middle aged, serious looking, but not stern. He has wrinkles around his eyes. He looks out to the distance, the creases in his face make me think he is looking for something; that he is vigilant. In his dark hair, that is still without grey, are decorative speckles of color, that might be fish scales or bits of shell. From his ear hangs a round blue earring. His forehead is decorated or tattooed with rows of diamonds. Just below the face of the man is a bone implement. It has been bored through at its end and it bears two sets of prongs in around the edges of the bored circle. Its use is unclear.
Interpretation: The Father card, like many of the Major Arcana, is difficult to misinterpret. It is a giant, masculine energy that provides structure and balance to the family. He is not the magician, a demiurge, creating something from nothing, though he is a generative force. I think of The Father more in terms of a husband, not in that he is married, though he likely is given his penchant for structure and rules, but husband in the more traditional sense of the word, meaning to manage or conserve. The father works hard to keep things going. He trusts himself and his own counsel, and is generally wary of change. He is fiercely protective of what is his own. Which is because The Father is also a father, whether literally or metaphorically. His counterpart, the Emperor is the father of a nation, and both of these remind me of the way in which Christians traditionally refer to God the Father: as Lord. They all share the common thread of masculine leader for whom there is great responsibility and on whom others depend.
Application: I drew this card on Sunday, when my wife and I were going to the annual picnic put on by the Birth Center we chose to use. It was a day in celebration of children and parents, so The Father was an appropriate card to draw. It was really satisfying to spend time around other fathers of newborns. It was a great and distilled feeling of new masculine energy, the previously undefined masculinity suddenly come into a new and challenging shape. I made plans that day to spend this Sunday hanging out with another father and his son.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot - The Emperor; ATA Tarot - The Emperor

V the Shaman

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:19:09 GMT

Description

V The Shaman is a man who is probably older than he looks. He is looking off to the right of the card, his red rimmed eyes match the color of the sky behind him. His hair and ears are decorated with bone and possibly feathers. His right hand is holding a large, bone or ivory charm perforated with a single hole. The look on his face is pensive, and his hair is kicked up as though the air is swirling about him.

Interpretation

There is a general sense of impending change around V The Shaman. He is looking off toward the horizon as if anticipating something's arrival. There is also the sense that there's some vibration coming through the talisman in his right hand. It has something of the feeling of a worry stone, but something more as well. The Shaman is nothing if not pensive; he's deciding something.

The Hierophant is nothing if not the bridge between god and man. He is a conduit. A big part of the spirit of card V is the Pope. The symbol of the first pope, Peter, is the crossed keys, as he is the one with the keys to heaven; his judgement is the conduit through which the righteous will pass. Here the symbolism and the drama has been ratched down a bit. Our shaman isn't judging anyone, but is certainly hearing something that not everyone is privy to; he knows something is coming, and if conditions are right will be able to articulate to the people around him. The phrase that comes to mind is "spiritual weathervane".

My last look at the card makes me appreciate the androgyny of this person. While my first intimation was that this person is a man, but that may not be the case. V The Shaman could just as easily be an old woman. That, for me, is one of the keys of those who work with metaphysical energy, their propensity towards androgyny, and if not androgyny at least a lack of attachment toward traditionally gendered attachments.

Application

This is the third of three Major Arcana that I've drawn in the last three days. On Saturday it was XIX the Sun, Sunday it was IV the Father and today V the Shaman. While Saturday and Sunday felt incredibly appropriate I didn't feel the Shaman in a direct way today. Today was a struggle to push through, like walking under water. Nothing was really wrong, but nothing felt right either. I felt leaden and sluggish, working hard to focus on my first sight, much less be aware of any second sight like the Shaman may have. In short, I did not feel as though I had access to the spiritual realm or any real nearness to God the way that the Shaman is supposed to have.

Traditional Meanings

Aeclectic Tarot - The Hierophant

ATA Tarot - The Hierophant

2 of Jewels

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:43:49 GMT

Description

The 2 of Jewels is dominated by a large stone hidden beneath the in the black earth. The stone, easily the size of a small hut, has had a chunk removed from its side, revealing a golden yellow interior; it looks like a giant fruit that's had a large bite taken from it. Nearby are smaller stones of a similar material. On the top quarter of the card are the silhouttes of two people, an adult and a child walking hand in hand. The adult carries a staff, the child nothing. The sky behind the pair is brownish, possibly twilight. In the top righthand corner, the moon is showing.

Interpretation

This card doesn't feel very obvious to me, but I don't think it's supposed to be an obvious card. I think that it's meaning is one of potential, but there is also a hint of burden in that potential. The child and the adult walking hand in hand have the feel of teacher and student. This is reinforced by the card's meaning in the booklet: A craftsman takes his apprentice by hand along the stonework road. Understanding and learning. But I think it's more than just learning, it's also potential as embodied in the stone below the earth. Perhaps the stone is the destiny of the young apprentice. There is much satisfaction to be gained from such a daunting task, but it can also be a great burden. Thus, depending on the context of the card and the attitude of the querent, the 2 of Jewels could be a happy windfall or the burden of work. Either way, there is both some learning and some digging before either materializes.

Application

I drew this card a few days ago, and I don't remember there being a direct application for the lesson. Most of my time with the card was spent trying to unravel it. It's hard not to paint this card with the sense of fatherhood. Parenthood is my hammer right now and I'm hitting everything with it that even resembles a nail.

Traditional Meanings

Aeclectic Tarot - 2 of Pentacles

ATA Tarot - 2 of Pentacles

4 of Jewels

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:11:38 GMT

Description: The 4 of Jewels depicts a pair of statues, apparently linked at the shoulders, one with breasts and one without. Their faces are undecorated, except for their long noses and smooth lips. From the neck of the statue with breasts hangs a necklace of bone. It is the only adornment of the two statues. The background is dark with just a hint of light in the top left corner.
Interpretation: I'm not very clear on this card. There is no immediate resonance with the images. The card itself feels static, empty. Perhaps that is all there is to the card, though I doubt it. The fours have the luxury of being solid and dependable, but the flip side to this is that they can become stagnate or trapped by that stability. I'm not sure if that applies here. The definition from the handbook is that this card represents pretense, though I'm not sure how. Perhaps the two statues are idols, standing in place of actual worship or divinity. Perhaps there is an aspect of blindness or deafness here, since neither of the idols has either eyes or ears. When I can't find something, I suppose the only question left to ask is what's missing that usually be there. Certainly this card bears more study before I can unlock its meaning.
Application: Given the mysterious nature of the card, I don't currently have an accurate application.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot - 4 of Pentacles; ATA Tarot - 4 of Pentacles

XIX The Sun

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 22:59:38 GMT

Description: An apparently large man with an unruly beard and hair stands with his back to the viewer, his face in silhouette. His ears are decorated with fancy bone earrings, and across his broad shoulders he wears a large golden disc that hangs from two leather straps on his shoulders. Beneath the disc he wears a fur garment. Behind him the sky is bright yellow.
Interpretation: I feel the sun is a difficult card to screw up, though becuase of its really apparent meaning it can be difficult to pin down to something specific. The sun is light, warmth and power. It is discovery, illumination, education. It is a powerful force for life, but one that can burn if used too much or spent too much time with. Humans love the sun, it is the source of all life on earth, but without night and the moon we wouldn't be able to rest. Such are the dangers of the midnight sun in Alaska and parts North. That said, the sun is usually a powerful, positive force bringing light and illumination where there wasn't any before.
Application: Today this card was pretty clear, and it was a great sign to draw it. This morning I had a computer fix-it job with some people who weren't all that clear about what was going on with their computers. My sense was that they didn't know, and I was hoping to be able to help them. Since I'm not officially trained with computers I'm always nervous going into situations blind like this, but the Sun was right on. I was able to clearly and succintly address a lot of the problems they were having and help them retrieve some information that they thought they'd lost. It was not only a really enlightening experience to help this couple understand their computer problems, but also a powerful feeling of satisfaction to have been able to help these people.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot

10 of Blood

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 02:38:24 GMT

Description

The 10 of Blood shows a spherical hunk of meat skewered by a stick, apparently cooking over a fire. Behind it, the sky is red. Below the hunk of cooking meat is a hairy man with a young face and white teeth smiling braoudly, his eyes almost invisible. He is without any kind of decoration and apparently very satisfied; in good spirits.

Interpretation

The 10 of Blood is a card of both reward and satisfaction, seemingly out of place in the suit full of violence, starvation, near-death and death. Having made it through the journey of the Blood suit to the card of its completion there is satisfaction and reward. It is the culmination of the options that are a part of the Blood suit: survival, perparedness, action, sustenance, death, confrontation, conflict and ingenuity. There is something surprising about the simplicity of this card, given the amount of things that have to go right for it ti come together. The man in this card, on the brink of passing into the realm of the archetypal with his entrance into the Trump cards, has learned the lessons of the suit and practiced them until they were integrated fully into his life and is reaping the rewards of those lessons.

Application

For me today this card was about reward. It was important for me to reward myself for a lot of the hard work that I've been doing over the past few weeks. It was the kind of day where I wouldn't have been able to stay focused on the work that I was doing if I hadn't been rewarded for the work I'd already done. I am definitely the kind of person who wants recognition for the work I do. I want the gold star, sometimes very badly. When I don't get it I don't feel that the work I've done has been validated or recognized. In school this attitude worked very well. Outside of academia it's a really poor engine for success. It's something that I am in the process of unlearning, but one that is still central to the way that my fetch operates, and therefore a large part of what motivates me. It's something I'm definitely ashamed of, since it's a childish way of moving in the world, but it's where I am, and where I must move from if I'm to learn anything more. So today I gave myself a reward for all the hard work I've done.

Thinking through the card again, I think that to ignore the importance of reward after hard work would really be detrimental to me. The card really fleshes out the way I think of reward, and adds depth to an otherwise simplistic view of reward. The 10 of Blood could have appeared in order to complicate my understanding of reward. This wasn't the empty gold star of a small child doing well for the teacher, but a well-earned treat for myself. I'm not an animal performing for a snack, but a human being who wants recognition from himself for the work that he's doing. I think this card has been a reminder of how important it is for me to recognize the work I'm doing and reward myself for it, and not forgo that reward by demeaning it into something childish or immature. Though I don't work with reversals, I can see that if this card was reversed it might intimate that there was something superficial or twisted about the work-reward relationship. I don't get that sense at all today about this card.

Thinking through a third time, there is something important about the reward itself. The reward isn't something useless, it's food. It's sustaining. It will become energy that is folded back into the work. It is both satisfying and sustaining in a way that helps the man continue what he was doing, and doesn't distract from it.

Traditional Meanings

Aeclectic Tarot - 10 of Swords

ATA Tarot - 10 of Swords

4 of Blood

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 03:10:20 GMT

Description: The man in the card clutches a sharpened bone splinter in his left hand, looking off to the left of the card as if stalking something, his hand poised and ready to strike. His hair is messy and his face wears a look of concentration, but also one of desperation. HIs body descends into a muddy darkness that appears to be fur.
Interpretation: The Four of Blood, to me, is the card of a desperate person. The man in the card hasn't hit bottom, but he's close, and he knows it. Part of that is written on his face, another complement to Toppi's subtle touches. But another part of it is the weapon he's chosen. Using a sharpened bone splinter isn't ideal for hunting or killing, since they're only good for stabbing and tend to snap when used for cutting (wilderness-survival.net). This is not the weapon of a prepared hunter, but one using improvisation in order to make the most of a very difficult situation, one in which there aren't a lot of options open to him. If the man is successful he will have a hard time eating whatever he kills, assuming that he wants to eat whatever he kills, and isn't attacking an enemy of some sort; the card itself makes is difficult to tell what the context is. Either way, the use of the bone as a weapon shows that the man is near the end of the rope, but not quite out of rope yet. As well as showing a context of desperation it also shows the mettle of the man involved and his ingenuity and perserverance. At this point it seems as though it would be easier to give up than to be improvising tools, but the man in the 4 of Blood hasn't done that yet, and looks determined not to give up. So this is a card of difficult times, but one that reflects the need for heart and perserverence.
Application: If anything this card is a reminder for me to use what's around in whatever I'm seeking. In this case, I believe it's referring to my spiritual practice. Since my son was born I haven't had time for a "proper" spiritual practice; the hour of yoga and meditation that I was doing before work have totally disappeared. Replacing that physical sense of well-being and daily dose of serenity haven't been easy, but it doesn't mean I ought to let it slip completely. Instead I'm focusing my breathing on the walk to the bus in the mornings and using the bus ride as a time to get my sketching in. Making the most of what I would have considered lost or between moments is really where I can recoup some of my daily practice.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot

Woman of Soul

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 04:48:38 GMT

Description: The Woman of Soul is a stern looking mature woman. Her face and chest are tattooed, and her right breast is visible. In her right hand she holds a mask made of wood with slitted eyes and a blank look. It is not clear whether the woman is taking the mask on or off.
Interpretation: The Women in this deck seem to me to be a moment of decision. The Woman of Jewels yesterday represtented a moment of opportunity for notice. Here, the Woman of Soul is debating a moment of truth or vulnerability. She hesitates, either because she has taken her mask off and doubts her decision, or beacuse she holds the mask before putting it on and isn't sure. I think there's more to this card, but I'm not sure I understand what it is. The woman's face shows that she's caught up with something in her head, something that we cannot see.
Application: It's always hard to know whether to post these repeats or not, but I'm going to do it anyway. I drew the Woman of Soul this evening. I always used to associate this card with my wife, but the more I draw it, the more I read about it, the more I realize that this card is a reflection of myself. I am nothing if not the Woman of Soul. Emotionally intuitive, an excellent listener, and as ATA says: "her cup is closed, and her own secrets remain invisible to all, even to herself sometimes." All of these things, I think are reflected in Toppi's Woman of Soul. The mask she clutches is representative of this last quote, hiding her emotions from everyone, even herself.

So this feels a fortuitous card to draw this evening, as I hope it is a beginning of a road back to myself, in whatever form that takes.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot

Ace of Blood

Thu, 15 May 2008 16:03:59 GMT

Description: The Ace of Blood is the visible silhouette of a man with short cropped hair, a strong nose, slitted eyes and two lines of paint running from his cheekbones over the bridge of his nose. HIs hair and ears are decorated with bone or ivory jewelry. Below him is the representation of a cave painting, showing a grazing animal of some kind riddled with arrows. In the distance a flat topped mesa is visible.
Interpretation: This is nothing if not a card of anticipation. Contained within all of the Aces are the full potential of the suits. The Ace of Blood, then contains the fullness of what the Blood suit represents. It's hard to say what that is, exactly, but my understanding of Blood is survival through conflict. The blood suit is about facing what we have to face in order to survive. My feeling about blood is that it's often the "chickens coming home to roost" suit; that we are forced to face these things because we have avoided them for so long. The Ace of Blood doesn't specifically contain those conflicts, but it is a representation of them, both in the man and the drawing. The man, with the paint on his face, seems ready to engage in the conflict that lies ahead, represented in the grazing animal full of arrows. There is ambiguity here as well. We do not know the outcome of the event which is depicted on the cave wall. We don't know if the animal lies dead, and the hunters have triumphed or if it is still alive and kicking, a danger to those who wish to eat it and make clothes from its hide.
Application: I think that this card is an excellent answer to the question I asked this morning, which was "Please give me more insight into the meaning of the message I received this weekend." While I was on my Feri retreat I received a visualization of the word "priest" during an exercise, but that was all. Wanting to know more I consulted my oracles. I believe that the meaning applied to my question is that being a priest means being aware of the necessity of conflict, in all its potential. I see it as watching over others and holding space for them as they push through the conflicts in their lives. I think it also means reflecting that for them, and reminding them of the value and necessity of conflict in our lives, as well as when to protect themselves from useless or wasteful conflict. Personally, I think it means I've achieved an awareness of my own conflicts and my reactions to those conflicts; that I've come to contain a fullness of understanding that informs my awareness around conflict in my own life. This is not a mastery, in the way that a Major Arcana card would be, but it is a powerful fullness that I can carry with me.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot

3 of Nature

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 00:27:29 GMT

Description

The 3 of Nature is one of the less subtle cards in the deck. It's energy is explicitly sexual. The sexuality of the Tarot of Origins is not shy; there are attractive women in various states of age and undress. There are healthy male bodies exposed as well. This is one of the few cards where the pubic area is exposed, and I think Totti does it to enhance the sexual effect of the masked woman sauntering boldly, hips thrust forward, breasts held high.

The woman wears a mask made from a tree trunk, so that the roots of the tree spread out from the top of her head like wild, woody braids. Only a single eye slit is visible, and it is blank and blank and unyielding. The woman's skin is what is most interesting to me. It has taken on a woody aspect; the exposed area of her skin have whorls and lines like that of tree bark or wood. Her visible left arm fades into the foliage behind her.

Interpretation

This has always been a troubling card for me. While the Tarot of Origins booklet gives "another reality" as the terse, fortune cookie meaning of the card, I'm not sure that's it, or perhaps that's all of it. There's something menacing about the way the woman is coming froward, about the single eye staring out from the mask; her sexuality seems predatory. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but there is something inherently dangerous about it. This is a woman who, in whatever state she's in, whether it's ceremonial or otherwise, is looking to take something, looking to make something happen, and likely without explanation or apology.

Adding to this general sense of unease is the texture of her skin; it's not human. She has either taken on the cast of the mask she wears (leading us to believe that this might either be a vision during a ceremony or a vision from another state of consciousness, such as astral travel), or she is not human in the first place, and is some kind of seductive forest nymph, and we know that conducting those kinds of transaction always requires the greatest care if one is to escape unharmed.

I think context is key to this card. Within a safe space, for instance one of ritual or ceremony, the energies that this card represents might be expressed safely and even positively. Outside of the protective boundaries of ritual it would be hard to anticipate what might happen encountering a woman (or a man for that matter) whose motives are masked and who seems as aggressive as this one does.

Application

I don't see any real direct application today. It may perhaps have something to do with some anxiety in my life, perhaps representing the darker side of sexuality and reminding me of the delicate care I should take in dealing with it, and perhaps the pleasures that can be found within once I do.

Traditional Meanings

Aeclectic Tarot

ATA

8 of Nature

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 05:07:44 GMT

Description

The Eight of Nature is one of the more bizarre cards in the Tarot of Origins. The immediate impression is one of a tree, but the secondary effects are what are strange. The sun that hangs in the sky above the horizon is green, as is the sky that it hangs in. Then, near the bottom of the card is the face of an old man, whose beard is becoming wood. The tree itself is strangely bent, and on the upward slanting branch, which has been broken off, is perched a bird in silhouette.

Interpretation

I think part of the reason this card seems so bizarre to me is that I get no reading from it at all; there is no resonance for me. The specific question I asked today for this card was, "Why can't I see my face?" I've been practicing astral travel over the last few weeks, and one of the exercises that I've been attempting is to sit in front of myself and watch myself meditate. The trouble is that I can't view my own face directly. I can view myself from the sides, from above, below, but I can't view my own face from head on. It's very strange to me. So this is the card I drew in answer to my question.

The first thing that strikes me regarding this person (beast?) is that he can't turn his head. His range of motion, and therefore range of vision is apparently incredibly limited. His eyes may be open, but if they are, they're empty. That emptiness, though, may just be the light reflecting from his closed eyelids.

One important question that springs to mind as I'm looking at the card is, "Is the man emerging from the tree, receding into it or is he in stasis?" This image in no way reminds me other other human plant hybrids, for instance, the Green Man. This card has nothing of the jolly growing-ness that the Green Man often has. This is more like an old man with a crooked back who can no longer move with the alacrity he once had; his bones have grown twisted and wrong, so he moves at the best pace he can.

None of that, though, is really interpretation. It's a step below that, just feeling, but I guess it will have to do for now.

Application

Little more than what is superficially apparent: that right now my range of vision is limited. Perhaps in time I'll have the agility of the bird perched in silhouette on the tree branch.

Traditional Meanings

Aeclectic Tarot

ATA Tarot

9 of Soul

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 17:53:41 GMT

Description

The 9 of Soul is not a reassuring card to draw. It is a picture of a bound man, both arms tied at the wrists, with a giant spearhead at his neck. You cannot see the mans eyes; most of his face is obscured in shadow. He is a Black man, likely of African descent. His hands are raised next to his head, perhaps in a gesture of surrender. He wears only a fur loin cloth and earrings. His hair is bound up in a top-knot, and his legs disappear into a miasma of dark blue underbrush. The spearhead divides the frame visually, being at least the size of the mans body. It is impossible to tell if the spear is real, and merely in perspective, real and actually gigantic or metaphorical, perhaps because the bound man has entered some kind of trance or dream.

Interpretation

It's hard to separate this card visually from XII The Sacrifice, Toppi's interpretation of The Hanged Man. Both images involve men with open arms confront giant spears. The real differences for me are the composition and attitudes. In 9 of soul the spear comes up out of the ground, or perhaps from behind the frame of the card, as if someone we can't see were holding it up, for me implying that the spear, and the question it implies, is coming from a human source. The spear in XII The Sacrifice seems implicitly divine (though I have questions about even that, given the Hanged Man's precarious relationship with what's up and down), reminding me of the giant spearhead in XX The Prey.

The attitudes, though, are what really separates these cards. In 9 of Soul the man is bound, his hands raised in a gesture of surrender. In XII The Sacrifice the man's arms are free and open, as though he is embracing the spear (or diving onto it, depending on which direction you see the card coming from). Both 9 of Soul and VII The Sacrifice represent transformation, similar to the way that XIII Death does, but 9 of Soul shows a struggle against transformation, where XII The Sacrifice shows a man embracing it.

The man in 9 of Soul seems to have finally surrendered, though not before he had to be apparently captured and bound. He stands at the point of decision, though; he has not been gored as the man in VIII Death has. And it's hard to say what that decision will bring. Perhaps like Abraham and Isaac the spear will not pierce the heart of the bound man, but instead flick right and left and set him free of the bonds that hold him. From where we stand we cannot tell, and I believe that the answer lies in the decision that lays before the querent, who I suppose in this case is me.

This card reminds me of an exercise we do in Feri called Walking the Blade. Thorn Coyle talks about it in her book Evolutionary Witchcraft. We visualize in our minds eye a blade of some kind, a sword, a knife, a spear perhaps. We choose a situation where we have a choice and on one side of the blade we place one decision and its possible out come, and on the other side the other decision and possible outcome. Then we visualize ourselves walking the blade. First on the flat side, out to the point of the blade and back, feeling each of the decisions as we do so. Then we flip the blade and walk the razor edge out to the point, and we pause at the point where the decisions meet and flow together to see if there's a third road we can choose that is something different than we had been able to see when we framed the decision originally. Then, if we can, we choose. Perhaps for the man in 9 of Soul, and certainly for the man in XII the Sacrifice, there is a third option he hasn't realized yet, but that will come to him as he balances at the point of the spear.

Application

Hard to say this doesn't or won't apply to me at some point today. I have felt bound these last few days, closed in, captured, trapped. I don't know that there's been a knife at my throat, but I certainly haven't felt free, and I've been struggling with that. I think perhaps another meaning of this card is that the tool for my freedom is right in front of me, all I have to do is use it. Sometimes it's hard to figure out how.

Traditional Meanings

Aeclectic Tarot

ATA Tarot

V The Shaman

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 05:32:24 GMT

Description

Interpretation

My last look at the card makes me appreciate the androgyny of this person. While my first intimation was that this person is a man, but that may not be the case. V The Shaman could just as easily be an old woman. That, for me, is one of the keys of those who work with metaphysical energy, their propensity towards androgyny and if not androgyny at least a lack of attachment toward traditionally gendered attachments.

Application

I feel like this is perhaps the most inappropriate card I could have drawn today. I've been struggling with my spirituality, questioning whether or not my actions have had any real impact in the last few weeks. I don't feel closer to god, I don't sense any tangible benefit. Basically I've been in doubt as to the efficacy of my spiritual practice; what tangible change has been effected in my life, what spiritual vision or power have I developed? Perhaps these are the wrong questions to be asking, but they obviously reflect my desires. So, the application is unclear for me at this juncture, but perhaps tomorrow will bring clarity.

Traditional Meanings

Aeclectic Tarot

ATA Tarot

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Man of Soul

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 05:26:08 GMT

Description: The Man of Soul strikes me immediately as a shaman of some accomplishment. His visage is wild and intense; his long hair flows out in all directions, reminiscent of Einstein, his single visible eye stares directly out of the card with a palpable orange fury. His right hand is raised in a gesture of some sort, and from it dangles a bone charm with what might be a sand dollar attached to the end of it. From his left ear dangles and earring. The man is dressed in furs.
Interpretation: As with all court cards, my caveat remains that this card likely represents an actual individual in the querent's life. That said, let's delve into exploring who that person could be based on what we see in the card. The Man of Soul has mastery over things spiritual and emotional. It's hard to separate these two things, so we won't. Instead we'll merely say that they are useful descriptions of the same thing. We can only see a single eye of this man, reminding me immediately of Odin from Norse mythology, the first of the gods who gave his eye for knowledge of the past present and future, which I think is present in the Man of Soul; the sacrifice and possibly the disdain for the physical form in exchange for power and knowledge of the spiritual and metaphysical realm that might not otherwise be possible. Does that mean that our Man of Soul is a sloppy dresser? Possibly. It's clear to me that certain things most people think are important don't hold much interest for the Man of Soul; he is seeing something entirely different than most of us do.
The rest of the card is unclear to me at this point. Is his gesture one of symbolic significance? Is he holding something invisible, about to bestow it upon the querent? Is he hiding something behind his arm, an ugly scar or a wry grin? It's hard to say, and perhaps that's a piece of this card: ambiguity and obstruction. The Man of Soul may have no clear agenda, and what agenda he may or may not have will likely not fall along conventional lines. Remember, this is a man who's sacrificed depth perception for depth of perception.
Application: I don't have a clear or immediate application of this card, so I'm going to go with the most superficial reading possible, which is that I am the Man of Soul. I've been meditating at least 45 minutes a day for the past week as well as putting in time practicing my astral travel (which I think has had a significant effect on my dream life). I don't think this card represents a real mastery over what I'm doing, but perhaps the sacrifice represented in the physical discomfort that I'm feeling from sitting for so long in such awkward positions. Perhaps this card is representative of the exchange of the physical world for the spiritual one, a transition which I'm currently experiencing.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot

What Do I Want

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 04:48:19 GMT

This evening I did a reading on a tough situation at work involving a co-worker I have a hard time being honest with. It's not that I'm dishonest, but rather take the third road of silence; letting her say what she needs to and then letting her leave. I am terrified of telling her what I think. There's no rationale behind it; I just have a hard time telling people what I really think. I am ALWAYS afraid of hurting their feelings. I don't like rocking the boat, I don't like tense discussions, which means that I'm not good at honesty, even though I know from experience how important and satisfying it is to be honest. And if I could somehow beef up that part of my brain that knows how satisfying honesty is so it could topple that part of my body that gets so afraid in these difficult conversations, I would. Then I wouldn't have this problem and I wouldn't be writing.

So, I did a tarot reading about the situation. I started off with two questions, leaving space for a third clarifying question, which I'm glad I did. It was accidental, but it helped out. The first question was, "What do I want in this situation?" The second question was, "What is necessary for me to have what I want?". Then I laid out VII the Chariot and the 9 of Nature. The quick and dirty on this reading is that I want control/mastery of the situation and what is necessary for that is patience. I think there's more in that, and I'll get to it in a moment.

When those two cards were revealed my response was, "Well, fuck you then. Like I didn't know that. Shit." Then I realized that what I really wanted to know was how to take care of myself in this situation. The first two answers addressed what I already knew, the third did not, at least not in the same obvious way the first two did. The third card I drew for "What do I need to take care of myself in this situation?" was the 4 of Nature, not a card I know well and one I do not know the meaning of. So, we'll explore it below.

VII The Chariot

Description: A blue hand (like the hands in XVII The Spark and like the hands of 0 The Fool) hovers below a stone wall or a clay tablet, grasping a primitive stylus. Apparent on the tablet is a simple drawing of two wheels (one with five spokes, the other with six) and the main compartment of a vehicle of some sort. There are no horses, there are no oxen; only the schematic of the chariot. The background is flat black.
Interpretation: This is another one of Toppi's subtle twists on traditional tarot themes. VII The Chariot is always about control and mastery of the situation. ATA says The Chariot is "clearly a card of force and of control." Aeclectic says that within The Chariot "control is required over opposing emotions, wants, needs, people, circumstances." But none of those types of control are here displayed, especially quizzical considering the primitive and often savage nature of the cards (the Animals of Blood and Soul come to mind). Moving in such a contrarian direction, I think Toppi almost heavy-handedly pointing us towards another kind of control and mastery, and one that is hinted at in traditional chariot depictions, but a meaning that is buried (as so much of the tarot's meaning can be) beneath the otherwise burly symbolic imagery that is layered so thickly onto the cards.

What Toppi's illustration gets to is the necessity for invention, innovation, mental strength in concert with physical and emotional strength when uniting the disparate forces that lay before the querant. It's not enough just to be physically and emotionally strong; that's the kind of weathering of a storm that can lead to the breakdown shown in XVI The Tower. There has to be a strong mind as well as a strong arm to achieve the kind of mastery and control that VII The Chariot promises.
Application: I'm just going to go with something simple here, that a strong mind and a steady hand will allow me the kind of freedom that I'm looking for in this relationship, and that having a plan doesn't hurt when going into a situation like this one.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot
ATA

4 of Nature

Description: The card is dominated from upper right to lower left with the image of an unidentified animal skull in some state of decay. There are traces of decoration along the gum line, indicating that this was perhaps a skull of some significance once used in rituals or ceremonies of some kind. In the upper left hand of the card is a bearded man staring down at the skull. The man is wearing a large pendant reminiscent of the medallion from XIX The Sun, and dressed in furs and apparently intricately decorated clothing.
Interpretation: This is certainly a card of discovery. The man uncovering the skull represents for me the sun; he is bringing light to the situation where only darkness was before. That's the first level of the card. The more difficult piece for me is what he is discovering. The skull is three things to me: as a piece of the skeleton it is a foundational piece of some greater whole; as a decorated object it may be a ceremonial object, and therefore a talisman of some kind; as a bone it is old, and represents age and death. The Booklet suggests that this card represents "Reality," which I don't disagree with, but doesn't go far enough to satisfy me. I sense that the man hasn't just happened upon the skull, but has encountered something he was looking for. This doesn't strike me as a random encounter, but one that took time and perseverance. That said, I can't tell if the skull is some missing component to something that the shaman wants to accomplish, or some malignant influence causing a disturbance that he seeks to end. Either way, I feel that this skull is the key piece to something that the man is seeking to resolve.
More numerologically, the fours tend to be cards of balance and steadiness. While three is the magic number, fours are totally dependable, often times to their own detriment. I suppose it's not without merit that the uncool are labeled squares, or that the innovative are always trying to think outside the box. That said, we need the box to stand on in order to get outside of it, and I prefer tables with four legs to three, and a car with four wheels to a motorcycle with two. I think that's part of the reason why the discovery of the skull suggests resolution to me, because of the steadiness that comes with four.
Application: Can't see this very clearly, but perhaps I've not discovered what it is that will bring me resolution. My talisman may still be hidden in the brush. But that the item bringing closure is occluded from my eye resonates with my recent study of the occult. I've been reading Aleister Crowley's Toth Tarot by Lon Milo Duquette, which I'd recommend to anyone beginning a study of that deck, as well as Qabbalistic Tarot by Dr. Robert Wang, which despite its hokey cover has been an informative and exciting introduction to the Western Hermetic Qabalah (not to be confused with the strikingly similar Jewish mystical practice, the Kabballah). It's a stretch, based on a flimsy similarity, but it's what I've got and for now that's enough.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot
ATA

7 of Jewels

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 19:11:19 GMT

Description: A person of unclear gender faces out of the card. Their body is covered in furs, and their eyes are cut off by the top of the card; only the bottom half of their face is visible. The focus of the card is the jewelry hanging from the person's ear. The jewelry is an ornate earring, from which an incomplete, apparently human, skull dangles. The jewelry is obviously valuable, and its grim visage clearly demonstrates its high price.
Interpretation: None of the 7s is incredibly encouraging. 7 in the tarot is considered an unstable number and therefore represents instability in the life of the querent. I wonder, now, looking at the card if the skull is really a skull. I know that's what Toppi drew, but my question is really if this skull is rather a vision, an interpretation of what the person in the card is actually wearing. The card itself inhabits an untenable reality; any person dangling a skull, or even a partial skull, from its ear would be pulled down and likely deformed by it. On top of that, I feel that the idea of "savages" decorating themselves with skulls is outlandish and stereotypical. That said, this card speaks to me of the price of vanity, I suppose. How far will I go in order to look good or different? What is the cost of the things that I'm proud of?
Application: Examining what I'm proud of...what I'm proud of lately has been dead a long time. That's pretty telling. I think this card may go along with the process of letting go first acknowledged in XIII Death last week, and continued in the 7 of Soul yesterday. The things that I'm carrying around with me and showing off aren't things that can change, they're not living. I'm carrying a torch, or a skull, for a time that's long past. It's something that I'm surely capable of continuing to carry and display, but what will the cost be, and what will the reactions of the people around me be?
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot

7 of Soul

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 17:25:15 GMT

Description: The first thing I notice in this card is the white trinket in the foreground. Carved of bone or ivory it has a main shaft that is topped by a round hole, and on the bottom splits into two arcs, almost like the bowed legs of a cowboy. The trinket is certainly a symbol of something, but of what I'm not sure. It is not the easy identification of the goddess, as in the 8 of Jewels, nor a weapon or tool, but something decorative, though containing some symbolic significance. It is possibly meant to hang from a cord, given the hole on top, but I do not know what it symbolizes. Behind the trinket is a bare chested woman with tattoos all over her body. She is half draped in a highly decorative blue cloth. Her hair it unkempt, and she's looking out to the right of the card with a look that says "I don't want to face this." Her torso disappears into a chaotic swirl of earth. The background is muddled, the sky cloudy and dark.
Interpretation: I don't have an exact articulation for this card. I don't understand the symbolic resonance of the bone trinket. I don't understand the relationship of the girl to the trinket. I don't know what the girl is apprehensive about. Despite not knowing all of this, it's apparent that things are not going well. The appearance of this trinket, or perhaps the loss of it, has spooked the girl, and she's not looking forward to facing the future. The booklet says this card is about doubt, which I believe, but I want to know why.
Application: Doubt makes a lot of sense to me today. I'm going through a lot of old documents, reliving a lot of time from high school and then discarding it. All of that is hard. All of that is emotionally exhausting, which is good. But in the interim, I don't have a leg to stand on as far as what I value in myself. I'm throwing away all my old laurels and the space that I'm making is daunting. Who am I without those accomplishments? What good am I without those stories? My life is bigger now than it was when I was 18, but I've rested on those stories for longer than I should have. Now, without them, I am in doubt.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot

4 of Soul

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 16:12:05 GMT

IDescription: The 4 of Soul shows a shaman with long white hair and tattooed chest and shoulders casting lots with a pile of bones. His left arm is stretched out as though having just thrown the bones. The foreground is dominated by what is perhaps a tusk or one of the bones in close up. The background is decorative, partially blue design, partially open sky, and interestingly in the corner a flash of pure green.
Interpretation: Obviously this is a moment of divination, a moment of decision. The shaman is casting lots, looking for some kinds of answers to questions we are not privy to. There is possibly an answer in the bone that appears in closeup in the card, but I do not know what that answer is. For me, for now the 4 of Soul is about a moment of looking for answers, seeking clarity from more powerful sources outside of ourselves.
Application: I don't see a direct application of this card, except for the use of the tarot itself. I'm not seeking answers in any particular area of my life, although perhaps I should be. I don't believe the 4 of Soul guarantees me an answer, only that the possibility of looking would be fruitful.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot

Animal of Nature, Again

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 01:01:43 GMT

Click here to read my original interpretation of the Animal of Nature. And remember, if you have no idea what's going on, you can always check the About section to catch up.

Update
I drew the Animal of Nature again this morning, the second time in two or three days. Obviously the tarot is trying to tell me something. So, looking at the Animal of Nature, the chimpanzee, didn't tell me anything I hadn't already seen.

In frustration I visited the ATA tarot site to review all of the knights to see if the attitude of the chimpanzee (honestly, you wouldn't call this animal a chimp) matched any of the descriptions that I read of any of the knights. In frustration I broke out all the Animals to have another look at them. What I noticed, and what I never noticed before, was that there's a person in each of the Animal cards. My new interpretation of the Animal cards in this deck is that they are spirit guides, or animal guides, the kind that shamans look for in their spiritual journeys. Each of the men pictured with the animals are encountering or seeking to encounter their spirit guides. In the case of the of Animal of Nature I believe that there is a harmony between the young shaman and his spirit guide. The two are aware of one another, and working together in harmony.

Thus, the Animal cards in the Tarot of Origins are certainly about people, but also about relationship. The Animal of Nature is a person who is in good relationship with their spirit guide. Perhaps they wouldn't call it that, but instead intuition. For the Animal of Jewels, a boy with a bird perched on his head, the relationship is young and likely flighty, without weight or real understanding; one whose vision is true, but not consistent. The man pursuing the rhino in the Animal of Soul seems at odds with his intuition. He carries a spear across his chest, and the animal escapes him. There is a journey ahead of his man, and much learning before he puts down his spear. The man in the Animal of Blood is in a worse position, he's caught his spirit guide, but his guide has become giant a bear, rearing on his hind legs to be three times as tall as the man pursuing him. The man in the Animal of Blood has a powerful ally, if he can learn to work with it.

Traditional Meanings
Aeclectic Tarot
ATA Tarot

Animal of Nature

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 02:50:41 GMT

Description: The Animal of Nature, the 12 card in the Nature suit, is a Chimpanzee. His wise, silent face stares out at the watcher of the card with a knowing look. The knowing look seems pessimistic, as if all of this has already happened before, and there is very little that will change what has happened. The lower third of the card contains the face of a young man looking off to the right holding a staff decorated with bone and perhaps cloth.
Interpretation: I've always considered the Tarot of Origins a quiet tarot, and this card reflects that. I believe this card represents a person who listens much and speaks little. A person with much to offer, but who may not be willing to offer it to just anyone. The young man in the bottom of the card may be a young shaman early in his journeying who has sought out this chimpanzee as a guide. It's possible then that this Animal is a teacher of some sort, but one who is not willing to shout above the noise to be heard.
Application: This card may be the tarot itself for me. Full of wisdom and knowledge, but careful about how it is distributed. The young man in the picture may be myself, and perhaps this card may serve as my guide as I continue my journey through the Tarot of the Origins.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot

Six of Soul

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 04:22:26 GMT

Apologies for the lack of pictures lately, work's been too busy for that sort of thing. I'll be on it next week, I hope. Until then, you'll have to settle for the about page, and suffer through my descriptions.

A.

Description: The 6 of Soul is dominated by the visage of a shaman apparently entraceed. The topknot on his otherwise bald head it decorateively laced with ribbons and bones. What is visible of his body is heavily tattooed, and both of his arms appear to be raised in a dramatic gesture while his torso dissolves into the muddiness of clouds. In the bottom quarter of the cards is the moon, full and bright, centered directly beneath the shaman's head.
Interpretation: There is a sense of mystery about this card. Not necessarily understanding mystery, but seeking to commune with it. The moon is the central symbol of the card for me, while the shaman represents the attitude. The moon is primarily a symbol for change, but in this case I think the sense is one of fully manifested lunar power. The specific lunar power probably changes depending on the context of the card. The shaman, perhaps in study, perhaps in communion with this lunar force is in one way or another encountering its energy. There is also a sense of domination from the shaman. His position over the full moon gives a distinct sense of control, or perhaps attempted control. It's not likely that much will come of trying to control the moon, so whatever the shaman's trying to accomplish, he ought to do quickly.
Application: Tonight I feel as though I'm at the mercy of the lunar power of femininity, or perhaps experiencing the futility of trying to control something as far out of reach as the moon. Despite the shaman's apparent size, we know that his presence is about as powerful as the clouds that his body dissolves into, so the best he can hope to do is observe. Attempting to change anything would merely result in failure.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot

Animal of Soul

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:03:34 GMT

Description: The Animal of Soul is a rhinoceros, though an unusual one. With one horn we might assume that the animal is the Indian Rhinoceros, but its depiction more readily resembles the traditional black rhino, save that it has apparently only one horn. Whichever it is, the beast's face dominates the card, stretching from top to bottom. It is without apparent expression, and the background is inconsequential save for the small figure of a hunter, apparently in the distance, possibly pursuing the floating head of the rhino.
Interpretation: This card gives off a sense of terseness. The rhino is obviously strong, obviously tough and obviously not giving anything away. Though the animal may appear to be dumb and slow, it is neither, as evidenced by the hunter pursuing him, whose been left in the distance. This doesn't mean, however that the rhino can be complacent. On the contrary, it's likely that the animal will continue trudging onward. This card is a person who belies his or her appearance of slowness, possibly a person that the querant is pursuing with little or no success, but can't figure out why. Perhaps it's time to reexamine their assumptions about this person.
Application: Court cards are always hard to place, but since I'm meeting with my boss today to discuss the new look of our organization as well as to discuss the possibility of a raise, I think I'm going to apply it there. I often underestimate my boss, and I should remember that he's a battle-hardened individual, keenly observant, and incredibly intelligent, even if he struggles to give himself credit for the massive amounts of work he does on a regular basis.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot

The Child of Jewels

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 16:26:21 GMT

Description: A young girl wearing a large, golden amulet, that apparently dangles from her ears, skips blithely along. The amulet dominates the picture. It is intricate and obviously very valuable, though the child seems unaware, or unconcerned, by this fact.
Interpretation: What strikes me most about this card is the contrast between the girl's attitude and the obvious value of her ornament. The child is unburdened by the weight of the object, either social or monetary. Compared to the Woman of Jewels, who wears her bone armband in a knowing way, this child is free of caring whether she's noticed by others or not, she is caught up in the joys of wearing what is perhaps her mother's jewelry. Concomitant in this blithe ignorance, though, is the danger of losing or breaking something of great value because she doesn't understand its worth. To this child the amulet is a plaything, and its value, if it's known to her, is totally unimportant. So while the carefree child is certainly free of the the social weight of the jewelry, her attitude may cost her in the long run, should something happen to her amulet.
Application: Court cards, as always, usually apply to a person that will reveal themselves in some sort of opportunity throughout this day, so making a guess as to how this might manifest seems a bit fruitless. If the card is a reflection of myself today, then I must beware of that which I take for granted; what thing of great value do I posses that I do not acknowledge and do not take sufficient care around. Is there a situation lacking gravitas or attention that I might turn to and spend more attention on? Not that I can think of off the top of my head.
Traditional Meanings: Aeclectic Tarot; ATA Tarot